Holding off on the Holiday

Today is Thanksgiving. After much consideration I decided to not celebrate. I don’t know if this would be a popular decision for most or even for myself not too long ago. I have always been someone who celebrates, even the smallest of things. A new video game comes out or a movie we have been waiting for. Those days have been met with themed food, or cakes decorated like the object we celebrate. When I love others I love to celebrate the things they love.

This day, my family is away celebrating with others. The three older boys are with my ex’s family in a different state. I am thankful they get to spend time together. My current marriage is ending and my youngest children will be with his family this evening. I am thankful and know they will have fun. I could go to a number of friends’ houses but I am exhausted. I’m tired, I am grieving and spend so much of my time crying that I have had a headache for days.

My life seems to be in ruin and I am face to face with being alone. It doesn’t mean I’m not thankful. God is with me in my weeping, He promises to never leave me. He sees me and I have hope that, although, this life has been terribly broken there is an eternal life ahead of me. I am going to honor where I am not celebrate.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

-Isaiah 43:19

I have spent most of my adult days figuring out ways to celebrate. Often this was a effective way of coping with the bad, to push the negative feeling, loneliness, and brokenness away. Today is thanksgiving and instead of celebrating I will mourn and be thankful I am not alone, my God is with me and knows deeply the suffering He is walking me through. Maybe on the other side of the wasteland I will throw a huge Thanksgiving celebration, but not today.

About neveralee

My Name is Nevera, I am 31 years old. I have a wonderful husband and four wonderful boys.
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